


The Blame Game

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Canon, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-26
Updated: 2005-01-26
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian is tired of always taking the blame.





	The Blame Game

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin wandered into the loft after a long day of classes and flopped into the first available chair. He was exhausted. Classes were rough and his hand was still out of shape from summer break. Justin looked around after a moment hearing rustling coming from the bedroom. It was only three p.m. much too early for Brian to be home from work. On inspection, though, that seemed to be the case. Justin, seeing Brian curled up in bed at three in the afternoon, instantly began to worry. He started to call out but stopped himself. 

Brian and Justin had been in a relatively large fight that Justin had completely started he’d been snippy and cranky and he had had a very caustic tongue. He’d gone to school still pissed off and hadn’t even said I love you which had hung on his shoulders at least a little all day. He was a firm believer in karma and that the day you don’t say I love you before you leave the house is the day something awful happens. 

“Bri?” Justin asked worry overriding his pride. He wandered into the bedroom eyes locking on Brian’s drowsy ones. He raised a brow. “You didn’t go to work?”

Brian shrugged and shook his head. “I own the company. Isn’t that a part of it?”

Justin stood and nodded a little. He tried to be nonchalant. “Are you feeling ok? You don’t really nap.”

“I’m fine.” The man murmured closing his eyes.

“You’re angry with me?” It was more of a statement than a question really.

Brian shrugged. “Can’t be mad at you, Justin, I’m the asshole remember?”

Justin sighed. “Well I was this morning.”

“Well don’t worry. I’ll cover for you. I make your life so difficult anyways. You go ahead and be pissed off. No one will think twice. You can even go be in a pissy mood at work and count how many minutes it takes for Debbie to call and ream me out. If I’m lucky she’ll come over and give me a spiel about how I’m ruining your life. Maybe she’ll add Lindsay and Michael into it too and we’ll talk about how I single handedly ruined ALL of your lives.”

Justin stared at him the wind literally knocked from him. “You can’t make anything easy, Brian.” Those words from earlier that morning floated through his head. “It’s like you love to make things harder for everyone around you.” The words had obviously hit Brian hard and off guard.

And It was such a fucking lie. Justin saw first hand what Brian did for everyone. Lindsay would be a fall down mess and her and Melanie would have fallen apart years before the final split if it wasn’t for him, and Melanie, Melanie dished it out more than she took it. Brian just sat back and let Lindsay blame him for all their problems when there was a child in this world that he GAVE to those two even though it broke his heart and no one even had eyes enough to see that. They just took and took and took no thank yous for the good times and blame for the bad ones, and Brian let them. Justin knew it was because to some extent Brian thought everything was his fault. He grew up hearing it was his fault and he lived his life assuming that when anyone blamed him for something he deserved it. 

Debbie pawned off half the problems she caused in Michaels personality on Brian. Brian loved Michael and fed off Michael’s attention for him, who could blame him, it was practically the only love he ever saw growing up, but it wasn’t Brian who made Michael so needy. 

Then there was Justin who saw through all the bullshit strong man stuff and knew that it hurt Brian for, not just someone, but people who called themselves his family to assume he was just a jerk and he could take the blame, and yet even he used the weakness to his own benefit. It made him feel like shit to know that he’d sat there and played off his lover’s weaknesses more than once. Made him feel like every bit the asshole anyone had ever said Brian was.

“I don’t think that.” Justin said lamely.

“Then I guess you shouldn’t say shit you don’t mean. You might hurt someone who has actual feelings.” Brian was tired from his lounging and the anger and hurt that had been surging through him since Justin’s little drama performance that morning. He had no plans to just let Justin skip along blaming him whenever he had a hissy fit. Because he fucking knew deep down that not everything could possibly be his fault. “Brian.” Justin sighed. How unfair was it that he didn’t want to talk about it? He wanted Brian to just forgive him without even asking. 

“Don’t Brian me, Justin, and sigh like you’re talking to a five year old.” Brian opened his eyes and stood about five inches in front of Justin. Justin realized not for the first time how intimidating Brian could be. “As you like to let me know I’m twelve fucking years older than you and I may act irresponsible but I’m not a fucking moron. You want to say something say something but don’t sit there and say my name like some warning for a little kid with his hand in the cookie jar. For all the shit you spew about being mentally twelve years my senior you have a lot to learn. To be stomping around here like you did this morning like a PMSing teenage girl who got the purple diamond cell phone when she wanted the pink? That’s fucking bullshit.”

Justin felt about an inch high. Brian had never done this. Justin could literally not remember Brian ever calling him out. He called him a princess every once in a while but he’d never been mad.

“I know . . . and I don’t have an excuse. I’m sorry.”

“What do I fucking tell you?”

“Sorry isn’t bullshit, Brian, I mean it.”

“Sorry is bullshit. Sorry is some word people created so they could do shit they weren’t supposed to the first time around, and say the magic word that makes it ok. You sat there and fucking did something you shouldn’t have cause you were in a bad mood and it felt good to yell at me. You didn’t regret it then cause you wanted to do it, but now now you’re sorry. That is bullshit and it always will be. Sorry is bullshit.” 

Justin had never really got that saying until that very moment. He really did think Brian just said that because the man hated when he was wrong. He just stared. What the hell can you say to something like that?

Brian wandered into the kitchen in his track pants and bare chest. Justin stumbled out behind him not knowing what to do.

“You could have taken the Corvette for all I care, Justin, but its not fucking here.”

Justin looked at him more confused than before. He’d had his early class, and they’d gone out per Brian’s idea the night before. That was the first thing Justin had blamed Brian for in the morning. Not that Justin had argued once or said no to any of the drinks he was bought, and bought himself. Being hung over, and full of morning crankiness Justin had basically prodded Brian on just about everything all morning long. The man had fought back half heartedly but didn’t seem to be in the mood to get into it. When Brian told Justin he couldn’t drive him to school Justin practically had a hissy fit before throwing the words at him and storming out of the loft. No I love you. No I’m sorry.

“Huh?” Was Justin’s intelligent response.

“I sold the Vette last Friday. The guy came and picked it up last night. That's why we walked to Babylon.” The man explained blankly sipping guava juice from a cup and looking Justin strait in the eye. “I traded it in and ordered two vehicles so we could BOTH have something to drive.” ‘I got you a car you little asshole.’ Brian’s eyes were saying.

“You bought me a car?” Justin whispered feeling almost boneless at the idea.

Brian’s answer was two raised eye brows. “Surprise.” He muttered quietly before leaving the loft barefoot.

Justin sat where he was standing not rushing after Brian immediately. The man was barefoot, and wouldn’t go far. He knew where he was going anyways.

Justin hugged his knees and rested his face in them. He wanted to cry, and that made him even more angry because being emotional wasn’t his right. He was the bad guy. He’d hurt his boyfriend. He wanted everyone to come over and see it just so they could know that Justin Taylor could fuck up too. He sat for five minutes mentally beating himself up refusing to let himself cry. Finally he stood needing to fix what he’d done.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Brian heard Justin coming up the metal stairs leading to the roof. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it earlier. He’d lived in the loft for over a decade, and never thought to ask about the roof. There was maintenance stairs leading up to it, and it was level with three foot walls all around pretty much safe to go on to. Brian had asked the land lord if tenants were allowed to go up there, and the land lord quickly got him a waver releasing him for any blame if anyone got hurt up there, and that was that. The view was beautiful. It was even better than his huge picture windows. Ever since he’d figured it out it’d been his sanctuary. 

Brian was pulled from his thoughts as Justin sat next to him on the weather resistant mattress he had secured to the floor. Being out here made him feel calmer, less hurt, less angry.

“I know you don’t want it to seem like I’m some Sugar daddy or whatever the fuck, but I have enough money, and you don’t. It’s really that simple. When I buy you things whether you resist or not you get this look. I can’t describe it. You get so happy and your eyes turn this sky blue. Every time I come home with some crap set of paints you act like you won the lotto. And as pathetic as part of me thinks it is I live for that look. You need a vehicle for school for safety convenience whatever. You deserve one. I wanted to surprise you. I was really looking forward to seeing your reaction. I really couldn’t wait for that look.” Brian’s voice was low and he didn’t look at Justin once he just stared out onto the city.

Justin wiped his eyes. He was an emotional man and he couldn’t help but cry, not for himself, but for what he’d taken from Brian. If something like that made him so happy who the hell cared what some jealous queen said. Justin had ruined all the happiness Brian could have had with one nasty comment that he didn’t even mean. He felt like shit.

“If it’s the word sorry then I’ll say I apologize but Brian you have to know that I do fucking hate myself for the way I acted this morning. I was being hateful because I was cranky and there was nothing behind it. I wanted to go out last night it’s my fault I was hung over, but at six a.m. I just wanted it to be your fault, and whether the Vette was here or not, it’s not your responsibility to drive me anywhere. I don’t think it is, Brian, I really don’t. I hate how everyone blames you. I do. It was hypocritical of me to say what I did and you’re right I was acting younger than the day you met me, and I am sorry.”

Brian looked at Justin and smiled softly. “I know you are. I know there’s a difference between your sorry, and the Jack Kinney “Your mother says I’m sorry,” crap he’d give me the day after he popped me in the teeth for whatever. Usually sorry is a big cop out . . . but I know you mean it.”

Justin wiped his eyes again. They seemed to be watering more after Brian’s inadvertent glimpse of his childhood.

“I really mean it.”

Brian nodded. He felt so tired. He felt upset. He felt like it was ok that Justin knew that, and he felt like that wasn’t so bad a thing to feel after all. Sighing slightly he laid curling his long legs to his body pillowing his head on Justin’s lap and burying his face in Justin’s belly.

“I really wanted to surprise you.” It was slightly muffled.

Justin laughed a little wiping his eyes. “Believe me Brian you could tell me the make model year and color and I’m still going to scream like that little teenaged girl with her pink cell phone.”

Brian laughed and sniffled a little face still hidden. This was Justin. It was ok to let go. There was no way to be Brian Fucking Kinney 24/7. He rolled onto his back looking up at Justin,” I think I’m having a bad day,” the man said looking slightly amused and slightly miserable.

Justin laughed wiping his drying eyes and stroking his best friend’s beautiful thick hair before pecking his lips lightly. “You may be human yet, Mr. Kinney.”


End file.
